I know that I am not the only one who is trying hard to make 2019 a year of positive change for myself. I look at the postings on Facebook made by my family and friends and see that some of them are riding high on life. Breezing through (or so it seems) through problems, and situations that I personally have battled my entire life and have not been able to at least comprehend the necessary steps to take to correct my mistakes. I also see the ones that are making changes and talking about how difficult it can be.
I continue to make mistakes in certain areas of my life, that have left me in a difficult place. I have tried to follow the traditional forms of making a living, and that has left me in a position where I am physically unable to work in restaurants, retail stores, or any job that demands a lot of lifting, twisting, and the such. My computer skills and customer service skills are antiquated as demonstrated by my younger counterparts in the workforce.
I am not sure why, other than the fact I have a lot of physical pain in my back, hip, and leg. I have yet to get a real diagnosis on this issue, but it is not what prevents me from getting out of the hole I dug when I was meeting the demands of a single parent.
I have other talents that I can use to make a living, it’s just starting out at the bottom, working for free that is hard to take at this point in my life. I have come to realize that it is the lies of others and my own fears that have prevented me from reaching out and capitalizing on a craft that comes naturally to me. That does not mean that I do not have to learn more about my craft, it just means that I am lucky enough to be able to build sentences and hopefully a picture that will stay with the reader a long while and bring them inspiration, education, or entertainment in a tasteful manner.
I have been implementing new and old habits that are essentials to living a stable life and it hasn’t been easy. Some of the new habits come with old ideas and expectations that taught from others has kept me from developing the new habit as I was afraid of what others will think of me.
Some of the old habits are things that everyone needs to do for themselves so that they can be productive and sustain themselves daily. These habits have been affected by factors out of my control and I have been working on not skipping steps to get through the day.
I have had to relearn to focus my actions around taking the physical steps of starting my day, progressing through the day without being secluded, and trying to end my day un-tethered to the negative force that seems to be driving society today.
Unfortunately, the times do demand the use of the internet. A high priced item that I find very difficult to afford as the monopoly of providers in Montana make it very difficult for anyone living on SSDI to afford. You do not qualify for the low priced programs if you have been a customer of theirs in the past,.
I realize that this writing may not be considered positive, upbeat, or even inspirational yet everyone must start somewhere and this is just one of the steps along the way. No one is perfect just starting out, no one really knows if they will capture the attention that they crave or if their plan will leave them a shattered mess along the road somewhere. Yet without a dream, where is the hope? Where is the opportunity to break away from what chains you to a life you did not in vision?
The opportunity lies in listening to that driving force, that sucks you into that dream even though all those around you tell you that it can not be done, at least not by you. Sometimes those around us have more fear of what success will take away from them than we have of obtaining it. Relationships will change, not all but some. They will no longer be visited as they once were.
The hope lies in taking the action to make that dream a reality no matter what anyone else is saying. It might anger you, make you second guess your dream and want to give up when others tell you that you are wasting your time. Perhaps they are trying to tell you that they can not deal with you growing away from them or that what you have to offer could never provide for all your needs and you are better off accepting a more traditional way of work.
Well, you and I will never know unless we take that step out of the box, and look to the dream that was written on our hearts and work at perfecting that craft. During my time looking at the mistakes I have made, I saw that the further I ran from my dream the further I became from being able to provide for myself. When I was working to provide for others the most important thing was that paycheck.
Now that I am working to provide for myself, I see the most important thing is being able to grow naturally in my chosen field, as this will lend the inspiration, entertainment, and growth that is laser-focused and beneficial not only to myself but others whom I will never meet. This realization is for anyone who wants it. Everything you do affects not only those you know, but those who are the receivers of the work you do are impacted in some way by your contribution.